It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
