There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
