Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
