just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You dont lie about slip and slides
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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