You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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