So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
