Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
