I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i now understand why vodka
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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