She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
