So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
