So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
that is very illegal...i love you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
