Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
