apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
