I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
dude. I can hear the air.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
