I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm really into asian looking animals
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
