Got a toothbrush?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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