Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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