thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I will pee on everything he values.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
