got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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