I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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