escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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