a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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