i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
