so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
how does that bad decision feel?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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