i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
