i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
