i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
