i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
