If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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