Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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