I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
