God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
