Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
