Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
