Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
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YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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