How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
