Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
