girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
