dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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