oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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