I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
