I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
