Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
