how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
