I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
