Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The Olympian is in my bed
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
