A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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