Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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