Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It all started with a game of naked twister.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
