I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
