I faked an abortion last night.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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