It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
