i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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