if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize