chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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