i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
