Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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