In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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