I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
