my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
