Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize