now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
