Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
