she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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