I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
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She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize