He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
